Enjoying my sheets naked

Cate Norian

I’m currently enveloped in what I like to call my sweet rhapsody cocoon. Ok, fine, that’s not entirely true. I generally call said cocoon my nook but that doesn’t sound nearly as inviting as the sweet rhapsody cocoon now does it? Right. So Sweet Rhapsody is the name of the paint color that I very randomly chose at The Home Depot.

Serena and Lily are two hot girls who made out in high school. Not really.

As a classic single 28 year-old girl with a tiny amount of literary flare I listlessly paged through the 5 billion 27 inch three ring binders of paint samples reading names until I found one that I liked that didn’t look like puke.

It’s odd how many colors look like puke but are called things like Alpine Meadow. There I was in the blues and like a beacon beaming my direction I read the words “Sweet Rhapsody.” It had me at hello.

But I digress (shocking).

So back to the point at hand…

Here I am in my nook.


I’m lying in what surely, God, or Allah, or Buddha, or heck, maybe even Elvis, or Tupac, or while we’re at Biggie (I don’t feel like getting into a turf war at the moment so I had to throw Biggie in there…), put on this earth for sheer sleeping pleasure. Ladies and gentlemen, if Mecca were actually in the continental United States, it would be located on in the house wares section of Bloomingdale’s.

It’s exact location. Well that’s easy. The shelf that is home to Serena & Lily sheets.

Seriously. People. These sheets are so good that they must be enjoyed naked. Sure we say that about tons of things (go with me on this one…).

You know:

  • wine
  • hot tubs in the winter
  • oceans in the summer
  • a drunken poker game
  • a late night collegiate run past the student union
  • doing the nasty

This is me in my bed if I were naked, had a cat and was Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s

All of these amazing naked experiences pale in comparison to the sheer amazingness that is my Serena & Lily sheets.

I bet you’d like to know why, right? I mean what the heck, Cate? Stop gushing about these damn sheets and telling us that your naked, right now, and give us some facts.

The 411. The breakdown. The deets.

Right right.

1. First of all, they are soft. Not just soft soft but really friggin’ soft. We’re talking softer than, you know, soft stuff. Nuf said.

2. Secondly, they have the weirdest, best, most funkily preppy designs ever. The ones I’m lying in right now have a design of diamonds encrusted with more diamonds with dots and sguigly lines. Hmm. That wasn’t the best description. Trust me on that. It’s cool.

The hot girl you loved in high school who sat in the back of the room drawing on her binder wearing Buddy Holly glasses and a Slayer tee-shirt became best friends with perky breasted leggy cheerleader with bouncy blonde hair a heart of gold and penchant for decorating her locker.

They probably made out.

And then they started a linens business. It’s called Serena & Lily.

Sexy naked time

Ok, not really. But I swear my story is more interesting. And that’s what the design looks like.

3. Thirdly, the color combinations exploded from my head. Whoever Serena and Lily are I’m a little nervous that they have a lojack on me. That or I’m in some odd version of Being John Malkovich but only with bed sheets, not with anything else.

Mine are turquoise, red, coral, and sky blue. It’s like a rainbow of Cate happiness. Whatever that means.

And really, isn’t that what it’s all about? Being happy in bed. These sheets have magical powers but are normal enough to hang around in regular everyday life.

You know that Rudyard Kipling poem “If” where says to be a “man” one should be able to “talk with crowds and keep your virtue, or walk with kings—nor lose the common touch”…

Well let me tell you. These sheets are men. Better yet, they’re like the X-Men of your home. Every day.

I see them and smile. I lie in them and smile more.

Then I get naked.

And life is good.