There’s a theory out there that this is too long to read

Almost immediately, you don’t want to read this article because it’s way too fucking long. I don’t have a painting of Kobe Bryant petting a stoned deer or a crab farting while tearfully breaking up with a seagull and the seagull laughing, certifying the crab’s heartbreak. That would be great. But I don’t have either of those. The Kobe and the crab breakup paintings would make these words more interesting.

Reading is tough after a long week of work, unemployment, boredom, no sex, a series of times where it was hard to open a jar or a tragedy. It’s very hard. No sarcasm intended.

I’m not trying to teach you anything or say anything important here. I just want you to know that I know how hard it is to read this much text after a week like that. It’s okay.

You’re doing just fine.

Your hair looks nice like that.

I hope something good happens to you today.