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Binders Full of B.S.

Martha the Bus Lady I’ve been a city bus driver in Los Angeles for nearly 25 years. I have had other jobs throughout the years but this job has been consistent through many a bad time. People always need to ride the bus. I’ll tell you something… driving a bus gives you a PhD in […]

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Dear David Lynch

Dear David Lynch, I have no doubt this letter will never reach you yet I feel compelled to thank you, publicly, for your creative service. Service is such a banal word; brilliance really, oddness and even corruption – well, creative corruption. I came to Twin Peaks after the fact, like so many things; Sushi, The […]

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Dr. Zebrovski’s HOUR OF POWER Will Blow Your Snuggie® Back

Lisa Waugh Kevin Seaman turned his obsession with his zebra patterned Snuggie® into a popular live performance and launched a character that is hypnotically fantastic like an acid trip to a Michael’s craft store. Parts Martha Graham, Dr. Seuss and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle, Dr. Zebrovski is like nothing you’ve ever seen.Unless you live next […]

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Forced to Watch Old Guy Vs. Young Guy

Drunk LA Girl Okay so last night some friends of mine invited me over for some pizza and beer and I was really excited to just hang out and pretend my week never happened when I walked in and saw that they had the stupid vice presidential debates on. You have got to be fucking kidding me! I’m gonna […]

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Dear Goldie

Dear Goldie, I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you, publicly, for your tireless commitment, your grace in navigating the beast that is L.A traffic and your stoic performance in the dodgiest of situations. My decision to partner with you was questioned by all – how truly reliable could you be given your age […]

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Blanche Tackles Ball Scabs

Relationship “Expert” Blanche Légère Sorry kids, I’ve been unable to answer your letters because I’ve been passed out on my bathroom floor for over a week now. I can’t get any real sleep, not in my very own bedroom because I have new neighbors. New neighbors who have been keeping me up all hours of the […]

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Ribness

Ian Kragen For the past several months, I have been on a mission to teach myself, through trial and error, how to barbecue pork and beef ribs. Now, going into this I knew straight off there were going to be a few obstacles. Cost being the main one. Smart & Final sells Famer John pork […]

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GrilledCheezGuy’s Food Truck Dream

Going from lil cart boy on the streets to full size GrilledCheezGuy megafoodietron truck that could serve winning, all the cheesy time.   A semi-long time ago, in a kitchen far, far, away. A grilled cheese master was born and forever changed the course of history for the Grilled Cheese Sandwich and America. After mastering […]

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“Is it healthy to hate my ex-boyfriend after all this time?”

ScallywagMagazine.com’s Relationship Columnist Blanche Légère answers your questions… I must say that the mailbag was quite heavy this morning when I fished around for letters to fulfill today’s column. I was quite touched at how much many of you insist on sending me pictures of your taints. I do have a fondness for Barse but […]

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A Box of Franzia, Me and You…

Blanche Légère answers your relationship questions Hello, dear friends. I’m not a psychotherapist and I’m sure as hell not qualified to give advice, but I’ve been to a lot of therapy sessions… some of them even voluntarily. So go ahead and email me your questions at scallywagmagazine@gmail.com or simply click on our Contact Us page […]

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Make Your Own Greenlight

A lot of people ask you for money to make their horrible short film about an international zombie spy ring (wait, that’s actually not a bad idea) or their banjo jazz fusion album (Bela Fleck already did it, now knock it off) but sometimes… people are awesome and talented at what they do. Here are […]

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The Future of Music on the Jersey Shore

Chris Homsley I have a couple of friends who produce a show called the Promo Only Artist Showcase held during the DJ Expo. This is a showcase for up and coming DJs and dance music acts, and sometimes to launch an artist’s comeback. It’s held in Atlantic City at the House of Blues venue in […]

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Pole Dancing Class: The Anti-Charm School

Jenny Denton Loud music… scratch that, loud bad music. Like Britney Spears, Christina, Beyonce and all of those other girls who refuse to have names that are easy to spell without using Google. Luckily, there was no Nickelback or I wouldn’t be writing this… Twenty girls share the floor with me, most of whom are […]

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Location Sound… My Obsession

Ian Kragen Why do I love location sound so much? I never planned to do this in the first place but here I am, obsessed. For those of you who don’t know, location sound is the guy or girl who is on set to record the audio either through miking up the talent or by […]

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Why would you get a tattoo?

Lisa Waugh I used to see tattoos and think numerous things. If they were tacky or faded, I thought the usual. If someone I liked had them, even if they were tacky and faded l, I probably became friends with them at some point. But tattoos were rare for people in my age group. I […]

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San Diego LGBT Pride

Debbie Lyle My arrival instructions were a simple text from Steve, the host of our morning kick-off breakfast: “Just stop by in AM OK?” Being a single mom, I’m always the first to arrive… There was the promise of homemade Egg McMuffins. I wasn’t about to pass that shit up!! 8:00AM – I text Steve: […]

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Stapleton and Hansen: Feeling Up Your Minds With Comedy

Lisa Waugh Jonnie Stapleton and Adam Hansen My friends Jonnie and Adam are two manchild weirdos who are stand-up comics. And in saying that, I find them to be quite funny to the point of jealousy. I feel slow witted in their presence but that’s from years of silent judgment, fat back, Tang and liquor. […]

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Why have I been watching so many vids about jail?

Chris Sheets  Its been going on for weeks and weeks.  Prior to the jail shows I was into home invasion movies.  I had a home invasion movie fest the other weekend.  then it was a streak of movies about people being chased in the woods. I needed a “wooded area where bad shit happens to […]

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