Not in MY Bar

Drunk LA Girl

So it was a long day yesterday and everyone I knew was going to see Bieber after work except ME, ’cause I couldn’t get tickets ’cause my stupid boss won’t let me use the company internet for anything but work.

Where everybody knows your name unless they don’t

So I invited some coworkers to get drunk at Casey’s downtown and when we got there almost every TV set had the presidential debate on it. BORING.

Casey’s is Irish–they’re supposed to just drink and watch soccer and be fun. It’s not like they can vote here. But I guess they didn’t get the memo ’cause there were all these people around me like trying to be serious and watching it all quiet.

I’m like, “Why are you at a bar?! If you want some place quiet go home or to a library!” And then they were looking at me like I’m the rude person just cause I’m talking at bar volume. Okay, I’m the only person except you weirdos who isn’t seeing Bieber so we need to have some fun! But then they were all like, “Well there’s only one other bar showing the debates in LA.” And I’m like, “Yeah, ’cause nobody cares.”

So then like I can’t pay attention to my conversation with my coworkers cause all I hear are the booming voices of these two boring guys on the TV screens. Seriously, the two guys running for president… I mean, what’s the difference? They even look alike.

One guy was like, “Duh” and the other guy was like “Nuh huh”

I mean one was like, “You don’t get the American people,” and the other guy was like, “Well you haven’t helped them in four years.” And then the other guy is like, “This is what I’ve been doing in case you haven’t watched any news in the last four years.” And then the other guy is like, “You haven’t done anything. This is what I wanna do and I think it would be good according to my experts.”

And I’m like, will you both shut up?! Seriously. I know what you both think and it’s not like you guys don’t have a bunch of people training you on how to act in debates. Okay, everyone knows you don’t look angry or check your watch when the other guy is talking.

Everyone knows you shouldn’t sweat. Everyone knows you need to have a little piece of paper to write on so you can let out your frustrations or doodle if you’re bored. Everyone knows you’re supposed to mention some person who gave you their baby in a little town in a little state like Montana. We know it!

Me and my friend Shelly ended up debating gravity. WE LOVE YOU, JUSTIN!

And what is up with those squiggly lines at the bottom of the screen? Seriously, if someone is undecided that’s just cause they want to work one of those dumb monitor detector things that creates those squiggly lines to let us know what that person who is too dense to make a decision is thinking.

I don’t want to track what they think–they’re undecided. They’re gonna like some of what one guy says and some of what the other guy is gonna say. You know why I know this? Cause if they only liked what one guy thought then they wouldn’t be undecided.

God… I really hate these debates. Especially when they come into MY bar when I’m super depressed ’cause I missed Bieber.

Can we be loud again already and not give a shit about our country?

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