“Is it healthy to hate my ex-boyfriend after all this time?”

ScallywagMagazine.com’s Relationship Columnist Blanche Légère answers your questions…

I must say that the mailbag was quite heavy this morning when I fished around for letters to fulfill today’s column. I was quite touched at how much many of you insist on sending me pictures of your taints. I do have a fondness for Barse but I would suggest spicing it up. Nacho is nice but a lady can’t live on Perineum alone.

The Trump, somewhere between the Limbaugh and the Murdoch

I do believe I just set a record for references to the Kaziff today.

Anyway, on to your questions:

VampirePony69 asks:

Is it healthy to hate my ex-boyfriend after all this time? It’s been 9 years. He really was a fucking douche bag.

Dearest VampirePony69,

Yes.

CoupleSkaterHater asks:

My wife just left me. But she hasn’t moved out. And I still pay the bills. But she won’t fuck me and still wants a divorce. Is this cool? Cause it sure doesn’t feel very cool.

Dearest husband,

Don’t give me that “CoupleSkaterHater” bullshit; I know it’s you.

If I weren’t so drunk right now, I’d get up and go to the garage and answer you in person. But I’m not going to stop doing gin soaked snow angels on our Cal King just to give you the finger.

Sometimes my faithful & trusted caribou whisper the answers to me

Poutine asks:

I’m 18. I have a crush on my cousin. He’s the hottest guy in our town. We kissed at my brother’s wedding. No one saw. Is that bad?

Dearest Poutine,

I walk around all day, not happy, ever. My soul has fallen out, like an old rotten tooth. An open wound in the center of my chest is all that’s left. And when I lean over between sobs, I rub my tongue over the dry, empty socket that once housed my soul…

Please keep those cards, letters and emails coming. I have zero expertise at giving advice but my high functioning alcoholism allows me plenty of time to fuck up your life and continue my midnight dog walking service.

Write to Blanche:
scallywagmagazine@gmail.com

Or click on our Contact Page and let ‘er rip.

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